Dear Search Committee

Dear Search Committee, 

I am pleased to submit my application for the position of King of Peatland. My career, including seven years as a Wandering Knight in the wilds of Enoria, followed by a decade as Captain of the Guard in our neighbouring Empire of Ousoforth, has set me up perfectly for this role. Born and raised in Peatland, I would bring to the position an unparalleled ability for independent thought and action, alongside proven leadership potential and valuable allies. 

A recent example of my prowess is my successful campaign leading the Renowned Ousoforthian Imperial Guard against the Talking Rocks invasion that threatened the border of our own glorious Peatland at the Fossil Desert three years ago. I was responsible for beating back the Talking Rocks to the Teal Ocean. As well as freeing both the Empire and Peatland from that scourge, we recaptured land that had not belonged to Ousoforth for many centuries. This experience is especially pertinent to my application because the size of the Ousoforthian Imperial Guard, which I commanded so skillfully, is comparable to the entire civilian population of Peatland.

The opportunity to support a Trophy Wife also appeals to me. While I had not previously contemplated marriage, I admire the Princess of Peatland’s contributions to Arts and Sciences and would love to facilitate their charitable initiatives as a supportive, loyal partner.

The attached references from the Emperor of Ousoforth (who will be sorry to see me go but commits their ongoing political and military support to Peatland), the Hag of the Deadly Sticky Mountain Bog (a formidable ally) and the Red Forest Unicorn (a formidable enemy), all testify to my suitability for Kingship. You may recall the latter was considered a deadly menace in the Red Forest, and therefore the third reference is enclosed in the form of the only known unicorn horn to have ever been severed from its owner. 

Throughout my extensive international adventures, my loyalties have always been here at home. I consider my duties elsewhere to have been mere preparation for this patriotic role, to which I am eminently suited. I would warmly welcome the opportunity to return to serve Peatland.

Yours faithfully,
Tusinini Lanpa 
Captain,
Renowned Ousoforthian Imperial Guard

†

MISSING
Our Glorious Princess of Peatland

Last seen talking to a Talking Rock outside city gates and assumed to have disappeared due to enemy kidnapping or magic. All citizens are commanded to assist them at any cost and with thorough disregard for their own lives. 

†

Dear Captain Lanpa,

Thank you for your application for Kingship. We regret that the position is now unavailable. However, we are delighted to offer you a post as Questing Knight, commencing immediately. We look forward to your acceptance.

Yours,
Justice Pooflestuffle on behalf of the Council of Peatland

†

Dear Justice Pooflestuffle and the Council of Peatland,

Thank you for your unsolicited job offer, which I am pleased to decline.

Regarding the position for which I did apply, I was given to understand that Kingship was open to anyone qualified, with no gender restrictions. Is that not the case?

Faithfully,
Tusinini Lanpa

Captain, Renowned Ousoforthian Imperial Guard

†

ATTN: Captain Lanpa

Urgent. Context for offer: Princess disappeared, presumed kidnapped by Talking Rock. Kingship contingent on availability of Princess for marriage. Questing Knight needed to recover Princess before re-advertising Kingship. Pay highly competitive. Includes priority consideration to fill future Kingship vacancies. Please accept. 

Yours, 
Peatland Council. 

#

ATTN: Peatland Council
Well, in that case. On it. 

Yours, 
Lanpa
Former Captain, Renowned Ousoforthian Imperial Guard.

#

MISSING
Questing Knight Tusinini Lanpa

Last seen crossing the border into the Deadly Sticky Mountain Bog. 

Knight Lanpa is known to be on excellent terms with the Hag of the Deadly Sticky Mountain Bog and familiar with the wilds of Enoria. However, the Fossil Desert to the north and the Teal Ocean to the east must be regarded as territory controlled by the invasive Talking Rocks. 

Questing Knight Lanpa is on a patriotic search for Our Glorious Princess of Peatland. Citizens who encounter her are advised to offer all possible assistance, and to immediately notify the Council or such encounters or suspected sightings. 

#

Our Esteemed Colleagues of the Council of Peatland,

We are pleased to inform you of our marriage to Ibia, Elected Leader of the Talking Rocks. We did not fancy marrying someone else, whom we had never met, and becoming a Trophy Wife, even if Tusinini is a lovely woman who would make an excellent King (our sincere thanks for sending her in search of us). 

As we believed your disapproval would lead to further tensions between our people, we determined it best to ensure we were settled in the Teal Ocean before sending our resignation (this is it, by the way. This is our resignation. We recognise that the Council of Peatland is more than capable of continuing outdated methods of enforcing its rule, and does not require any royal figureheads to facilitate these practices).

 On that note, we are even more pleased to announce that Tusinini Lanpa has agreed to join our own Leadership Co-operative as an Advisor, after extensive discussion about the differences between patriotism, blind loyalty, and duty to our land and fellow inhabitants thereof. The opportunity for a role that utilised her wide-ranging skills without requiring the first two of the aforementioned was undoubtedly a significant factor in her choice—something we would encourage the Council to consider in future recruitment scenarios. 

This, therefore, is also Captain Lanpa’s resignation. She does not seek payment for time served in her position as Questing Knight. As her references for Kingship are no longer necessary, she requests that you return the Red Forest Unicorn’s horn urgently. The Talking Rocks’ surgical methods promise an opportunity to heal his injury and a longstanding rift between our species. Our beloved spouse Ibia is facilitating mediation between the Red Forest Unicorn and Advisor Lanpa. You will be pleased to learn that prompt recovery of the horn will also ensure a smooth return of the Red Forest from Peatland to its own residents. Advisor Lanpa has asked me to add that, “The only alternative is a rough return of the Red Forest to its own residents.” 

We therefore recommend that repatriation of the horn be the first priority of the Council. We shall cover postage costs as a gesture of goodwill and as an expression of our enthusiasm for peaceful relations in times to come. We are sure our former colleagues will wish to save as much as possible from the Council’s investments for future reparations.

Sincerely,
Your Former Princess of Peatland

© 2026 Tehnuka

Tehnuka (tehnuka.dreamhosters.com) is an Eelam Tamil writer from Aotearoa New Zealand who calls on all of us to use our wonderful, unique minds and/or bodies in whatever ways we can to refuse and resist the genocide of Palestinian people and the colonisation of Palestine. Resist with every breath and deed until Palestine is free—until we are all free.